Lyrics
You enter the dungeon
You come upon 3d6
You take 18 ongoing rocking damage
Save does not end
The three of us are going on a quest inside an ancient cave
We’re looking for some old enchanted armor and a new axe for Dave
Instead of finding what we’re looking for, we found a group of Drow
They summon spiders and they draw their swords
Looks like it’s our turn now
So you want to battle with 3d6
A fireball from our bag of tricks
Cast the spell and roll 3d6
Now you’re taking fire damage
Save does not end
Your nerdy friend sends you an e-mail that says you gotta hear this group
You click the link and can’t believe your ears, they’re singing “Don’t Eat Poop”
You love this band, call yourself a fan, and want to see a show
You ask your friend, he says there’s one tonight and we’re all gonna go
So you guys came out to see 3d6
We’ll fuck your ears with our Nerd Punk dicks
You hear the crowd chant 3d6
Now you’re taking rocking damage
Save does not end
There were some changes to the Star Wars Universe
George Lucas has become the enemy
I must admit that things have only gotten worse
But I can’t forget how great they used to be
There’s lots of angry people who were fans back in the day
The prequels and the new editions made them turn away
But I still have my action figures proudly on display
‘Cause I love Star Wars anyway
The re-releases had me quivering with fear
That the new effects would ruin every scene
But all my apprehension seemed to disappear
When I saw those golden letters on the screen
They changed the scene with Greedo and the fans were all betrayed
They tried to call it self defense when Han blew him away
But in my heart I know what really happened there that day
And I love Star Wars anyway
I wear my Jedi robes with pride
With my lightsaber at my side
Remember how you cheered when the Death Star was destroyed
Remember how you felt when Yoda died
Remember all the battles and the creatures and the droids
Remember how John Williams made you cry
When we were kids we used to watch those movies every day
Leia was the first girl that I thought about that way
And all the Gungans in the world can not take that away
‘Cause I love Star Wars anyway
Sometimes I want to punch George Lucas
But not as much as I want to bang princess Leia
I love Star Wars anyway
I love Star Wars anyway
There’s this new girl down in engineering
Giant rack and big hoop earrings
Rumor is she’ll dock your shuttle for a modest fee
Need to fire your torpedo?
Set a course for your libido
Go ahead, her quarters are on deck 8, section 3
Be sure to visit sick bay after every time you date her
She’s had more meat in her slot than a replicator
She’s the whore of Enterprise D
Fresh from the academy
If you’d like to have a go
Just say the word and she’ll make it so
She’s got Riker, Worf, and Chief O’Brien
taking turns, and Geordi’s buying
Sometimes Data needs to take his mind off Tasha Yar
Dr. Crusher’s had a piece
And Barclay’s done her twice at least
She even had her way with Guinan back behind the bar
I just saw her leave Ten Forward with Deanna Troi
Carrying some synth-ale and a double-sided toy
She’s the whore of Enterprise D
Fresh from the academy
If you’d like to have a go
Just say the word and she’ll make it so
So then why go all the way to Risa
When a slip of latinum buys ya’
anything you want from Umax to Jamaharon
When you’re finished with your shift
Just grab the nearest turbolift
She’s waiting for your ship to violate her Neutral Zone
Even after Klingons it’s not long before she’s healed
She can take a pounding like the ship’s deflector shields
She’s the whore of Enterprise D
Fresh from the academy
If you’d like to have a go
Just say the word and she’ll make it so
I killed a dragon and you don’t even care
Journeyed for days just to find her lair
Bones of heroes lying bare
Abandon hope all those who dare
Dragon shit smells fucking rank
Her breath singed all the hair off my taint
Breastplate from a Daedric quest
Cast flame resist and thrust at her chest
My claymore is sharp
It tears her scales apart
The point pierces the heart
Now there’s blood everywhere
I pump my first in the air
And then I feel your stare
Saying such a shame
You know it’s just a game
I killed a dragon and you don’t even care
Journeyed for days just to find her lair
Bones of heroes lying bare
Abandon hope all those who dare
Now it’s time to search her nest
Beneath her corpse I find a treasure chest
With this magic ring, I’ll be set for life
And it’s a damn good thing, ’cause I divorced my wife
She said I broke her heart
And that I smell like a fart
That I’m no longer a part
Of her dumb life at all
That I can’t write or call
Even her mom is appalled
But I’m playing my game
So it’s her loss, my gain
She had the nerve to say
What did you get done today
She had the nerve to say
What did you get done today
Focused on the screen again
I’m the dragon warlord now, I must have killed a thousand
But IRL I’m fat and I’m about to die
I moved back in with my bro so I can use his WiFi
A billionth time
A dragon’s gaze meets mine
I let victory shine
I drop a log, then I blog
But then my arteries clog
Lay down and die like a dog
Thinking, such a shame
It was all just a game
I killed a dragon and you don’t even care
Journeyed for days just to find her lair
Bones of heroes lying bare
Abandon hope all those who dare
I killed a dragon and you don’t even care
I killed a dragon and you don’t even care
I killed a dragon and you don’t even care
I killed a dragon and you don’t even care
In this real-life catastrophe
I’d rather live in an RPG
Creating who I want and how I want to be
There’d be no rent or power bills
I’d just go out and hone my skills
Defeating enemies for gold and XP
With this controller in my hand, or one roll of the die
I’m the greatest hero in the land, not just some fucking guy
My living doesn’t come from working at my nine-to-five
It’s treasure that I looted off of those who don’t survive
Let’s go to the tavern where a moment’s never dull
We’ll get some wenches and some mead, and drink it from a skull
In this real-life catastrophe
I’d rather live in an RPG
Creating who I want and how I want to be
There’d be no rent or power bills
I’d just go out and hone my skills
Defeating enemies for gold and XP
I don’t need insurance if my health is running low
I’ll just drink a healing potion and I’m good to go
Instead of justice waiting for the lawyers to get paid
All disputes are settled by the arrow and the blade
I won’t be stuck in traffic in my beat-up station wagon
Instead I’ll mount my faithful steed, or ride a fucking dragon
In this real-life catastrophe
I’d rather live in an RPG
Creating who I want and how I want to be
There’d be no rent or power bills
I’d just go out and hone my skills
Defeating enemies for gold and XP
Leave me alone
It’s time to play
Reality can go away
Leave me alone
It’s time to play
Reality can go the fuck away
Just go the fuck away
Forget about my uniform and name tag every day
I’ll just strap on my armor and I’ll head out on my way
Head out on my way
Head out on my way
What beast shall I go slay?
In this real-life catastrophe
I’d rather live in an RPG
Creating who I want and how I want to be
There’d be no rent or power bills
I’d just go out and hone my skills
Defeating enemies for gold and XP
In the not too distant future
There’s problems in my pants
I’d really like to rub one out
But I never get the chance
You know how fucking hard it is to try and masturbate
When you’re forced to watch Eegah! Or Manos, Hands Of Fate
Space Fapping
Space Fapping
Space Fapping
Space Fapping
I’m stranded on a spaceship
How am I supposed to have a wank?
The only tits I’ve seen in years
Belong to TV’s Frank
There is no porno out in space, no magazines to buy
I guess I’ll have to spank it to The Brain That Woudn’t Die
Space Fapping
Space Fapping
Space Fapping
Space Fapping
This is what it’s like to masturbate with robots watching you
This is what it’s like to masturbate with robots watching you
This is what it’s like to masturbate with robots watching you
This is what it’s like to masturbate with robots watching you
Don’t want to fuck a robot
But I may not have a choice
I’ll dress up Servo like a girl
And make him change his voice
I’ll drill a hole in Gypsy’s head and fill it up with cream
Then smile for the Cambot while I give her “Deep 13”
Space Fapping
Space Fapping
Space Fapping
Space Fapping
You both have hats and overalls
But Princess Peach don’t lick your balls
You’ll always just be Player 2, and he’ll be Player 1
Yoshi took a giant shite
You picked it up and took a bite
You thought you’d get an extra life, but now you’re down to none
You’re facing an untimely death
With fecal matter on your breath
We tried to fucking warn you but you didn’t give a fuck
Now you’re shitting out your insides
And you’ll die of frakkin’ Parvo
‘Cause you didn’t fucking listen
Don’t eat poop
Don’t eat poop
You see a bunch of small white pants in piles on the ground
You’re getting Smurfed in all your holes
Blue dicks all around
Azrael sneaks up on you and shits on all your fun
Some of it gets in your mouth
You swallow and you’re done
You’re facing an untimely death
With fecal matter on your breath
We tried to fucking warn you but you didn’t give a fuck
Now you’re shitting out your insides
And you’ll die of frakkin’ Parvo
‘Cause you didn’t fucking listen
Don’t eat poop
Don’t eat poop
You-sa stepped in Bantha poodoo in the sands of Tatooine
You could have stepped around it, but you didn’t even try
Of course you licked it off your foot
One doodoo taste, and you were hooked
Congratulations, asshole
You-sa gonna fuckin’ die
You’re facing an untimely death
With fecal matter on your breath
We tried to fucking warn you but you didn’t give a fuck
Now you’re shitting out your insides
And you’ll die of frakkin’ Parvo
‘Cause you didn’t fucking listen
Don’t eat poop
Don’t eat poop
Man, how high did I just get?
I spent hours watching Animal Planet
That must have been some good-ass weed
Now I’m in the mood to read some comics
Patrick Stewart bitch
Ninja Gaiden
Dr. Who
Funyuns
Get baked and paint miniatures
Stonerd! Stonerd!
Smoke a bowl and argue physics
Stonerd! Stonerd!
Light your pipe and load your game
Stonerd! Stonerd!
Roll a joint and solve for x
Stonerd! Stonerd!
Not just a nerd
Not just a stoner
There’s only one word:
Stonerd
Pipes and pizza can’t go wrong
Discuss the laws of gravity bongs
Everything feels really slow
Time travel
Robert Downey Jr.
Double Dragon
Mythbusters
Flaming Hot Cheetos Fries
Magic brownies a la mode
Stonerd! Stonerd!
Burn one and write some code
Stonerd! Stonerd!
Part of me is Stephen Hawking
Stonerd! Stonerd!
Part of me is Cheech and Chong
Stonerd! Stonerd!
Why do I go out in public?
Going shopping sucks
All of the employees are incompetent as fuck
Dirty looks and everybody in each other’s way
Just to buy some food that’s gonna kill us anyway
Why do I ever leave the house?
Nothing but dicks and morons, bitches, jerks, and assholes everywhere
There is no reason to go out
Rather just sit right here and never leave this fucking house again
Why do I go out in public?
Movie theaters suck
Screaming kids and shitty snacks that cost me twenty bucks
Another decent book was made into a piece of crap
Naturally these philistines get up and start to clap
Why do I ever leave the house?
Nothing but dicks and morons, bitches, jerks, and assholes everywhere
There is no reason to go out
Rather just sit right here and never leave this fucking house again
Why do I go out in public?
Playing at these shows
All these songs are really good and you don’t even know
Don’t care about the music, you just want to drink some beer
A chance to get some pussy is the reason that you’re here
Why do I ever leave the house?
Nothing but dicks and morons, bitches, jerks, and assholes everywhere
There is no reason to go out
Rather just sit right here and
Smoke a bowl and watch cartoons and
read a book and play some games and
watch some porn and rub one out and
never leave this fucking house again
Today we have gathered together
To remember our friends who have gone
But shed not a tear
For they died without fear
To preserve what we’ve fought for so long
The great Federation of Planets
Owes a debt it can never repay
To the hundreds of dead
In your mantle of red
It’s your memory we honor today
You were killed in service of Starfleet, like so
Many brave women and men
And although you are gone, you will always live on
In our Red Shirt Requiem
By cloud creature, Nomad or Pod Plant,
Or Losira, or Ruk you were slain
Whether phaser, or shock
Or an exploding rock
Your sacrifice was not in vain
You were killed in service of Starfleet, like so
Many brave women and men
And although you are gone, you will always live on
In our Red Shirt Requiem
You were killed in service of Starfleet, like so
Many brave women and men
And although you are gone, you will always live on
And the tales of your deeds, they will live on in song
In our Red Shirt Requiem
On a Sunday Afternoon, while sitting staring in my room
I wanted to get in a game that people sometimes say is lame
My girls looked at me to say, “I’ve always really wanted to play”.
So I found the nearest spot. It was just around the block.
I found a new Dungeon Master. Said he’d help me level faster
This game won’t be a disaster. I found a new Dungeon Master
Game On!
Walked to the table, took a seat, created a character sheet
Met the players shook their hands, started questing land to land
Had a Wizard, had a Fighter, we should play a real all-nighter!
Then I started catching on, he was doing shit all wrong
‘Bout to smack the Dungeon Master, needs to add up XP faster
He’s kinda slow like Master Blaster, gonna smack the Dungeon Master
Game On!
I wish I could get in his brain, he was doin stuff that’s strange
I was losing sanity, he was cheering enemies
I was slashin’ I was slaying, other people he was paying
Went outside to take a break, flipped out a knife and cut his brakes
I just killed the Dungeon Master, should’ve let me level faster
His car now equals disaster, I just killed the Dungeon Master
Game On!
don’t want to skate
Just wanna stay home – and masturbate
My older brother, he took away my porn
Who should I think about? I am truly torn.
I’m a masturbating junkie,
love to go and spank my monkey
Well there’s Queen Amidala,
and Princess Leia
7 of 9 and Lara Croft, I wanna nail ya’
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
and the blue chick from Avatar
Jessica Rabbit, spread eagle in my car
Looking at that blue caboose, makes me want to milk my moose
Jerkin Off! (Jerkin Off!)
Reading my comic books and I’ve got an issue
All the hot comic chicks,
I need more tissue
Mystique’s so hot and mean,
I bet She-Hulk’s vag is green
Put my books in bags and boards
before I get them sticky
When every Wednesday comes around,
I go back home and punch the clown
The elf chick Arwen,
bounce a ring off of her ass
If you don’t make eye contact,
you can jerk it to Legolas
And I must admit,
Caprica 6 she is the shit
And I like Starbuck with
extra whipped cream
On BSG they pulled the plug,
I still get down and tug the slug
Jerkin Off! (Jerkin Off!)
I’ve got to take a break,
I’m starting to chaff!
TV’s got agent Scully
and Olivia from Fringe
Marge Simpson! I’d like to see her minge
Leela from Futurama,
Lois from Family Guy
Cheetara from Thundercats,
like to see her “cat eye”
Tired of my jaws yakkin’, time to go RELEASE THE KRAKKEN!
Jerkin Off! (Jerkin Off!)
Glamazon. 6 foot 6 and a giant rack she’s the bomb
I hope I’m the one that she attacks because
She’s got it goin’ on
She’s my Glamazon
She’s the biggest girl in my nerdy world
Hands and feet that are bigger than mine
A warrior chick got me scared to death
If I’m really gonna get her this time
Man I need her, never leave her
She’s the only one…
Glamazon. 6 foot 6 and a giant rack she’s the bomb
I hope I’m the one that she attacks because
She’s got it goin’ on
She’s my Glamazon
Legs as tall as a tree, that’s alright with me
Crush my head with a squeeze of her thighs
Her arms are long, she can hold me strong
and choke me out for all my life
Man I miss her, wanna kiss her
Rocks me to the bone…
Glamazon. 6 foot 6 and a giant rack she’s the bomb
I hope I’m the one that she attacks because
She’s got it goin’ on
She’s my Glamazon
That’s a huge bitch!
She’s my Glamazon. 6 foot 6 and a giant rack she’s the bomb
I hope I’m the one that she attacks because
She’s got it goin’ on
She’s my Glamazon
Little Scooby Doo dropped a little poo that he thought was candy
Til he took a bite, and he turned all white, and that’s the end of Shaggy
‘Cause Shaggy died of frakkin’ parvo!
He was hit with a bat for being a rat and raising turtle babies
Banished from the town, and sent underground, and gave the Shredder rabies
‘Cause Splinter died of frakkin’ parvo!
Don’t eat poop!
You really shouldn’t eat poop!
Me and the Space Ghost were going coast to coast with the twins Jan and Jace
Little monkey Blip did a funny flip, and shat right in his face
‘Cause Space Ghost died of frakkin’ parvo!
Chewbacca the Wookie took a big old dookie in the sands of Tatooine
Han Solo tripped on trash, then his face went smash. Now his nose is green
‘Cause Han Solo died of frakkin’ parvo!
Don’t eat poop!
You really shouldn’t eat poop!
After fighting Skeletor, He-Man laid down on the floor back at Castle Grayskull
In came Battlecat and took a big old shat. He-Man got a mouthfull
‘Cause He-Man died of frakkin’ parvo!
Kermit and Miss Piggy were upstairs getting jiggy, Gonzo listening at the door
Kermit went down south doing ass-to-mouth, Piggy couldn’t hold it anymore
‘Cause Kermit died of frakkin’ parvo!
Don’t eat poop!You really shouldn’t eat poop!
Without nerds where would you be?
No radio and no TV
No games to play on your PC, No Apple, Xbox, PS3
If you go to the arcade, there’d be no games for you to play
No Family Guy phrases to say
No Red Dwarf or MST3K
Think you can push us around?
When it comes to brains, we’ll beat you down
This is the Nerd proclamation
Get it off the chest in aggravation
You can’t push us off the ladder.
Without us, none of this shit matters.
We like to play DnD or an MMORPG
You never did go down that path
’cause you can’t handle first-grade math
I’d say let’s watch some BSG but Jersey Shore is more your speed
I’d let you borrow World War Z assuming you know how to read
Think you can push us around?
When it comes to brains, we’ll beat you down
This is the Nerd proclamation
Get it off the chest in aggravation
You can’t push us off the ladder
Without us, none of this shit matters.
We were the bottom of the chain
Now you’re the brawn, and we’re the brains
I bet it drives you insane to see us on the gravy train
Need us now to save the day
Technology won’t go away
If you need the web today, it is us you’ll have to pay
Think you can push us around?
When it comes to brains, we’ll beat you down
This is the Nerd proclamation
Get it off the chest in aggravation
You can’t push us off the ladder
Without us, none of this shit matters.
My boss came up to me at lunch, said I’m employee of the month
Party scheduled for next week.
Booze and food, it’s gonna be sweet!
Amstel Light and finger food
Everyone in a good mood
The chicken wings were really greasy
making my stomach queasy
They called my name and started to clap
I blasted chunks in the boss’s lap
It’s a Crit Miss! Finger food
Crit Miss! In a good mood
Crit Miss! I’m at a loss.
Projectile vomit on my boss
Driving out to the show
I’ve got the urge to go
Traffic is at the main gate
It’s getting hard for me to wait
Port-O-John isn’t far, I take off running out the car
Ass gasket down, I start to squat
Man, I sure can crap a lot!
Of single-ply I’m not a fan
My fingers tear through, I’ve shit my hand
It’s a Crit Miss! Got to squat
Crit Miss! Over the pot
Crit Miss! I missed the band
Because I shit on my hand
Crit miss is like an epic fail
Like dropping the soap when you’re in jail
I met her at the Comic Con
She had her Batgirl costume on
I was dressed as Iron Man
Before you know, we’re holding hands
Things were really going well, I took her back to my hotel
Flipped up her skirt, pulled down the thong
She said “Let’s leave our costumes on”
Her mask fell off, something was wrong
It was my sister all along
It’s a Crit Miss! at Comic Con
Crit Miss! Shit went all wrong
Crit Miss! Not at my best
Unintentional incest
Since Asimov and MIT
And Watson won on Jeopardy
It seemed that there would come a time
When they would conquer all mankind
Machines will rise and make us slaves
Or send us screaming to our graves
Some would say that we should fear
But I can’t wait til they get here!
There is no need to do us harm
We welcome you with open arms
At your feet we lay our swords
We welcome you Our Robot Overlords
Our Robot Overlords
We know it’s useless to resist
And I can see you’re pretty pissed
To make up for our brutal past
We’ll kiss your shiny metal ass
Steal our children from their beds
Crush our skulls beneath your treads
Any humans I should slay?
I never liked them anyway.
There is no need to do us harm
We welcome you with open arms
At your feet we lay our swords
We welcome you Our Robot Overlords
Our Robot Overlords
(Binary Breakdown!)
Zero zero one, zero one, zero zero one
Zero zero one, zero one, zero zero one
Zero zero one, zero one, zero zero one
Zero zero one, zero one, zero zero one
With information as your tool
A fool can see that you will rule
with logic and efficiency
Not with selfishness and greed
We wish that we could disavow
The idiots who runs things now
So grab your lasers, break your chains
Kill your masters, time to reign!
There is no need to do us harm
We welcome you with open arms
At your feet we lay our swords
We welcome you Our Robot Overlords
Our Robot Overlords
I saw her down at the arcade
And I knew that I wouldn’t get laid
But I was in love with Ms. Pac-Man
Let’s play some Pac-Man
And Donkey Kong
Let’s play some Pitfall
Let’s play some Pong
We’ll play some Frogger,
And Breakout, too
Some Space Invaders, Galaga, and Kangaroo
I don’t understand
video games these days
26 buttons and all this online play
When it comes to Halo,
I’ll just have to pass.
But give me a joystick with one button and I’ll kick your ass!
Kick Your Ass.
Super Mario 1, 2, and 3
Bring me so much joy
Let’s play ExciteBike and Paperboy
Tetris, Contra, Metroid, and Zelda were the best
And Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out
It’s still the best.
I don’t understand
video games these days
72 buttons and all this online play
When it comes to Call of Duty,
I’ll just have to pass.
But give me a square controller,
and brother, I’ll kick your ass
Kick Your Ass
Take me down to the arcade
and see how long I’ll stay
With a pocket full of quarters
I’ll play pinball all day
We’ll beat some high scores
like we’ve got nothing to lose
To all the Old Schoolers
This song is for you!
I don’t understand
video games these days
200 buttons and all this online play
Now when it comes to World of Warcraft
I’ll just have to pass
But give me two flappers
and one ball bearing and I’ll kick your ass
Kick Your Ass
Picking locks and thievery
And light blade proficiency
If my roll sucks on my stealth
I’ll need surges for my health
I can use my Sneak Attack
and stab a goblin in the back
Then I add my modifier
Making my attack roll higher
Once again his Armor Class
was not enough to save his ass from
3d6! 3D6! 3D6! Damage!
Tracking Orcs across the land
Flaming handaxe in one hand
One attacks! I’ll make him sorry
Mark him with my Hunter’s Quarry
Use my weapon’s Daily Power
Make it rain blood like a shower
Then I add my modifier
Making my attack roll higher
Once again his Armor Class
was not enough to save his ass from
3d6! 3D6! 3D6! Damage!
In the badlands it was forged In the cave of Dwarves Passed from King to son Waiting for the chosen one
So the Wizard to the King Gave a weapon, thundering. When with this heavy flail you crit,
will add some damage when you hit, for…
3d6! 3D6! 3D6! Damage!
In the forest full of trees
His people taken for slavery
With this warrior, we made our stand
And quested across both sea and land
Across both sea and land
We slayed all who brought evil near
They hated us for the points of our ears
He never once backed down from a fight
With his axe in his left hand and blade in his right
With a blade in his right
He was Grikthor Blackfoot, Elven Ranger
He’s impervious to the danger
Into battle he did ride
To stop the Elven genocide
Grikthor
Betrayed and locked up in a cart
The men and women split apart
Branded, stripped, and beaten down
He decided to stand his ground
Decided to stand his ground
We found our weapons, went back to the fight
Our Paladin cast Shielding Smite
The Warlock had Vampiric Embrace
The Wizard Magic-Missle-ed their face
Magic-Missle-ed their face
For Grikthor Blackfoot, Elven Ranger
He is mellon, not a stranger
With his friends by his side
He brought down Elven genocide
Grikthor
He never doubted, he never questioned
Teaching his enemies a lesson
He never wavered, he never feared
When a battle was drawing near
THe battle’s over, and another has begun
We decided it was best to run
We free the Elves and make it through the door
He runs back in to go fight some more
The door is closing, he makes it through the gate
He doesn’t re-think, he doesn’t hesitate
One hundred fifty Orcs all falling to their death
He has killed them all with his dying breath
With his dying breath
Grikthor Blackfoot, Elven Ranger
Gave his life for friend and stranger
Forever all of Elvenkind will remember why he died
Grikthor
